Letter the Editor, Campbell River Mirror, Published: March 29, 2010
According to Alex Morton, the only source of sea lice on salmon smolts could possibly be fish farms.
This got me to thinking about my time on the water as a child and young adult (pre farms) when pinks were covered with sea lice, and when we went crabbing in the winter, the bait (salmon heads) were picked clean in less than an hour by sea lice.
Knowing this could not have happened as it “breaks the natural laws,” I decided to try an experiment. This weekend I dropped a crab trap miles and miles from anything associated with a fish farm. Just as I suspected, something strange was afoot. The bait was picked clean and covered in sea lice.
Now, as every Morton disciple knows, despite large resident populations of Chinook and Coho, billions of herring and other bait fish, many types of cod and other louse hosts living their entire lives in the Salish Sea, the lice on my crab bait must be farm-related.
What we have learned is that the only logical explanation for this is that the evil fish farmer empire has travelled back in time and released hundreds of billions of adult sea lice in an attempt to wipe out the Pacific salmon before fish farms existed in a sinister plot to provide a sustainable, healthy food source to the world, reduce the fishing pressure on the wild stocks, while providing much needed tax revenue and year round jobs to their Canadian slaves.
Luckily for us, we have been blessed with a superhero with unparalleled knowledge of marine biology bestowed magically from the University of America back in the 70’s (its true except for the marine biology part). This self proclaimed folk hero travels back in time every spring to the good old days when salmon collapses were caused by pollution, poor logging practices, and salmon wars. Once back in the 80’s, the Mighty Morton visits every river and stream on the south coast where she opens her incredibly large mouth (akin to our time but without the foot inside) and proceed to allow the smolts to enter her massive gaping maw (a.k.a the sanctuary of altered reality).
Having gathered all the smolts, she bravely swims them past the apocalyptic Norwegian-made natural phenomenon and delivers them safely to the open Pacific where they can be scooped up by draggers, driftnets and Alaskans, the way nature intended, thus ensuring the natural order of bailouts and E.I. for commercial fishers, and judicial enquires of the rest of us.
The moral of the story is that there are some very real and dire issues affecting some salmon runs. Distractions caused by a pseudo-scientist is diverting much needed resources and brainpower from the real problems. Smoke and mirrors, anecdotal evidence, and a misconception of what really goes on in the ocean is not real science and is a dangerous religion to follow. Please educate yourselves instead of letting a N.I.M.B.Y. fill your head with her vision.
Eric Becherer,
Campbell River
